When Lisa Phillips’ daughter was 13, she started dating a neighborhood boy.
Gone were the days of Disney movies and picture books—suddenly, Phillips found herself navigating chaperoned dates, open-door policies, and watching her daughter become her own person.
And as Phillips puts it, she was a mess.
“I had such a strong reaction to it. I was so worried,” she said. “I realized that I needed support, and I also realized that I might have something to offer because I’ve been writing about relationships and mental health for so long. That set me off on a mission to write this book to help other parents.”
Phillips’ third book, “First Love: Guiding Teens Through Relationships and Heartbreak,” was published on Feb. 4.
An author, journalist, and professor at SUNY New Paltz, Phillips teaches a seminar-style class called “Love and Heartbreak.” Her previous books include “Public Radio: Behind the Voices” (2006) and “Unrequited: The Thinking Woman’s Guide to Romantic Obsession” (2015). She lives in the Hudson Valley.
In “First Love,” Phillips tackles relationship issues like consent, communication, crushes, mental health, and breakups, incorporating interviews with teens. She also explores how technology and LGBTQ+ relationships are reshaping modern teen romance.
The book aims to help parents maintain open conversations with their teenage children about relationships.
“You have to set the stage,” Phillips said. “Even if your teen acts like it’s the last thing they want to discuss, even if their answers are one word, they’ll know you value the conversation and that they can come to you when they’re ready.”
“Teen relationships,” she added, “have lasting effects.”
“They shape future experiences,” Phillips said. “There’s something researchers call a ‘reminiscence bump’—we tend to remember emotionally striking experiences from our teen years more vividly than at other points in life. And adolescence is a time of strong emotions.”
Evan Schack, a third-year digital media production major at SUNY New Paltz, is reading Phillips’ book.
“I’m a friend who gets approached a lot for support,” he said. “Having this book is a great guideline for anyone going through a relationship or helping someone who is.”
At a Feb. 5 book talk at SUNY New Paltz, Phillips led a conversation on relationships. By the end of the night, she had sold every copy she brought.
“People really light up when you talk about love, even when it’s hard,” she said. “They are hungry for these kinds of conversations. Every discussion this book sparks—whether with students, faculty, or others in the community—is valuable.”
Phillips’ students, past and present, showed up to support her and share their own relationship experiences, hoping to gain insight from their former professor.
“I love being with people this age,” she said. “That’s why I’m a professor. It’s why I write about young people. If they feel I’m someone they can open their hearts to, that’s very meaningful to me, and I do my best to help.”
“First Love: Guiding Teens Through Relationships and Heartbreak” is available on BookShop, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Google Play.
The Golden Notebook will host an author event with Lisa Phillips on March 1 at 2 p.m. at Mountain View Studio in Woodstock. The Overlook co-founder Jacqueline Kellachan is also co-owner of The Golden Notebook. Lisa Phillips is an advisory board member of The Overlook.
Sophie Moos is a contributing writer. Send correspondence to reporting@theoverlooknews.com.
